


Of Hurting and Healing

by delectum



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Keith (Voltron), M/M, Post Season 6, Shiro blames himself, and also tender kisses, lots of emotions and boys crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 12:09:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15533931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delectum/pseuds/delectum
Summary: Keith has always been bad at lying.Shiro knows this.That's why, when Shiro quietly manages to rasp out, "Are you afraid of me?" and Keith replies, "Of course not," and kisses his knuckles, Shiro believes him.Or, the one where neither of them escape the fight unscathed.





	Of Hurting and Healing

**Author's Note:**

> The truth is, I haven't written fanfiction in almost five years, but I saw Voltron and the sheith feels wouldn't let me be until I wrote this.

Keith has always been bad at lying.

It's been like that since as long as Shiro can remember, even before the Kerberos mission when they were both cadets at the Garrison, sneaking out to the rooftops after hours and challenging each other on the simulators. 

Keith is usually too noble to lie, preferring to bluntly express the truth and nothing but the truth, which is why he doesn't lie often, tries not to if he can.

Shiro knows this, know how unconvincing Keith is when he lies. 

Keith isn't good at lying, he _knows_ that, but that's the last thing on Shiro's mind the moment that he wakes up. 

Vision blurry through eyes that aren't his, weight unbalanced from the loss of an arm that's not his, and heart burning with the fiery depth of deep, unconventional love that's both his and _not_.

It's disconcerting, coming to in a body that belongs to someone else after living so long on the astral plane, where time passed too slowly and too fast, where everything was so vacant and empty. His lungs stretch uncomfortably when he inhales, and the weight of his legs is just too much. 

Still, he finds these aches minimal in comparison to the vast depth of emotions he feels when he blinks heavy eyes open and sees a familiar bedhead of dark hair. 

The overwhelming sensations are quick to be forgotten when he realizes that Keith stayed by his side, an unmoving mass of comfort and something that is irrevocably _home_.

He wants to call out to him but his throat feels swollen and scratchy, and no sound comes out when he tries to talk. His voice does not cooperate but he keeps trying. Belated desperation crawls up his chest as he recalls snippets from the past few days- his team sprawled unconscious on the floor and a Galran facility bathed in purple. The fight. 

He needs to know how bad it was, how much has changed between them.

Shiro knows from the Black lions fractured understanding that he- or at least the clone- and Keith had fought. How bad it was, he doesn't know. Black wasn't there to witness the fight itself, just the aftermath.

Usually, Keith wears his heart on his sleeve, so it wouldn't take much to glean the events from his body language alone. He's easy to read, too tired from hiding from the rest of the world that he lets down his walls around those that's he trusts. Today, however, Keith seems... _changed_. 

He looks older. More steady. 

Unreadable. 

His eyebrows are furrowed as he sits on a box of rations. His arms are crossed over the surface of the bed, his chin cushioned atop the meaty part of his forearms. 

He sits up when he sees Shiro awake. 

Shiro can't read his expression, but luckily, he knows that Keith isn't good at lying. He'll just ask, and Keith will respond. That's how it's always been. 

That's why, when Shiro quietly manages to rasp out, "Are you afraid of me?", and Keith replies, "Of course not," and kisses his knuckles, Shiro believes him.

He gets distracted soon enough that the thought leaves his mind and any doubts are put in the backseat.

Keith is still hurt, he can tell. He's stiff with the pain of inky bruises, and flushed with fever. His lips are cracked and there's dried blood dotted at the corner. The cauterized burn on his cheek is red and inflamed, and doesn't seem to have been given any attention. From what he can remember, they don't have the healing pods any more, not after what happened to the castle.

He's known Keith long enough to glean that the younger man had most likely stayed by his side since the fight, probably refusing to move until Shiro woke up. 

He appreciates the gesture, but pushes Keith to tend to his wounds the moment Shiro has gained steady control over his vocal cords. 

"I'm fine," Shiro says to counter against his boyfriends arguments, "I'm just tired. _You're hurting_."

Keith hesitates. "I don't-" He's quiet as he thinks, ' _I can't leave you because I can't know that you'll still be here when I come back_ ' but he doesn't voice the thought. He's silent but Shiro knows him well enough.

"Please, it'll help me sleep easier, knowing you're okay."

Reluctantly, he nods his consent and without standing, reaches over to grab a roll of gauze from Blacks storage. 

"Here, let me help," Shiro says, and starts to sit up in the cot.

Keith stands up abruptly, and moves a step away from the bed. 

They're both shocked for a moment.

Shiro looks at him, confused, until Keith's eyes soften and he gently says, "Sorry... but I-I'll just get Coran. You need your rest. You're probably exhausted."

He is, which is why he doesn't argue when Keith bends down to drop a kiss onto his forehead and pushes lightly against his chest until Shiro's lying vertically again.

Keith's soft smile is enough to have him forget his own name on a good day, and it works even better when it's been so long since he's seen it. 

"Sleep," Keith murmurs, "I'll be here when you wake up."

Shiro does. 

 

...

 

 

He suspected that there was something wrong between them, but Keith is so good at pretending that he eases all of Shiro's concerns. He forgets eventually, until one day, their predicament is painfully brought to attention. It's a hidden miracle that it had, or else Keith might have hidden his pains until it ate him alive. 

It happens when the two of them are talking over their plan to return to Earth, studying maps and preparing long winded explanations in response to the interrogation the Garrison is sure to put them through when they get back. 

They're in their own bubble, lost in their excitement of finally returning to Earth after all this time, and to share a map of their expected trajectory to Earth, Shiro excitedly steps forward.

And Keith flinches, horribly. 

He stumbles back a step and collides into the table behind him. The pain in his still bruised and aching back pressed against the harsh metal causes him to regain sense of his environment. 

The lack of purple galran light brings him back. 

It's reflex, really, and the terrified expression on Keith's face quickly morphs into one of embarrassment as his cheeks redden.

"Sorry, I didn't-" he begins to say, but the other man doesn't hear. 

Shiro stares at him, horrified.

He moves to step forward but stops himself just in time.

"H- how long have you-"

Keith's eyes plead with him and he holds out his hand placatingly as he says, "It was just reflex. Shiro, my time with the Blade- it, that's it, I swear. It's- it's not you."

But Shiro has known him long enough to know that it's not the full truth.

"What did he do to you?" He rasps, his eyes wide and horror stricken. 

Keith lets out a slow breath. "Nothing, I'm fine. I already told you I was on a mission with my mom-"

"Don't lie to me!" Shiro yells, and Keith falls abruptly silent. 

The quiet causes Shiro to glare down at the ground. The elder man is breathing harshly, his fists clenched tightly.

"It's okay, Takashi."

He looks up as he hears Keith's soft voice, sees his boyfriend step forward gingerly. There's a gentle touch at his elbow, and he follows the arm up until his eyes meet Keith's.

"I'm okay, I promise," he says, and his voice is so gentle, so soft, that tears well up in Shiro's eyes.

"I'm _sorry_ , Keith, I-I'm so sorry I hurt you, _god, I hurt you-_ "

Keith pulls him into a gentle embrace, and there's no pressure under his hands. 

Everything is always so gentle with him, and in return, he'd paid him back by hurting this beautiful, brave boy. He'd _hurt_ him, branded the Galra empire's violence right onto his _skin_. 

Shiro falls into his hold and sobs.

His knees give out, unable to support his weight, but Keith is there, and slowly lowers them to the ground until they're both kneeling on the floor. 

"I'm okay, Shiro, we're okay," Keith mutters in his ear as he buries his hand in Shiro's bleached hair. 

The older man manages to choke out a strangled, "We're _not_."

"Yes, we are." Keith pulls back slightly, enough to place his forehead against Shiro's so that he can look him in the eyes. "We _are_ , we both made it, Takashi. I'm not leaving you ever again, do you hear me?"

"H-how can you even- _Keith_ , I'm a _monster_. How can you even _look_ at me?"

Keith's eyes look pained as he brings a hand up and rests it against Shiro's cheek, gently, ever so gently. "You're _not_ ," he whispers, and he sounds heartbroken, "Don't- Takashi, _please_ don't say that."

He doesn't reply to that, just buries his head into Keith's shoulder and hates himself for sobbing when _Keith_ is the one who had gotten hurt. He hates himself, and the- the clone hates himself, too. He's a monster, but he doesn't say it aloud. He's upset Keith enough. 

Instead, he stays silent, his breathing rough and uneven. His hair is damp and he knows even without looking that Keith is crying, too. 

"I meant what I said," Keith whispers in the space between them, "I love you. No matter what happens."

His voice is rough and flat when Shiro replies back, "You _shouldn't._ "

"I do." It sounds almost absentminded as Keith runs his fingers through stark white hair and says, "I always will." 

Shiro doesn't have a reply for that. He's wrung out. He just wants this turmoil inside him to end, and he wishes for the days before all this, when he and Keith were carefree and in love. He's tired, tired of being used as a weapon. Tired of hurting the ones he loves. 

He slumps against Keith's shoulder, his eyes dropping. He's so tired of this. 

There's the barest touch, a feather light kiss of chapped lips against his forehead. Keith's arms around him, warm and welcoming. It calms him and before he knows it, he drifts away. 

 

...

 

They don't bring it up again. 

Instead, Shiro watches and recovers as best he can. 

Keith seems to have grown into himself, a steady commanding presence. He's a brilliant leader, making sure to spend time with each of teammates to make sure they're alright, asking if there's anything they need. The time with his mom has helped him grow, helped him move on. 

Shiro knew he had that potential within, but it's still breathtaking to see. 

The best part of Shiro's day is when Keith is finished with his duties and can finally come to bed. It's definitely not the most comfortable to be camping on uneven ground or in the back of their lions, whichever they have to settle for on whatever planet they land at, but Shiro's happy as long as he's with Keith. 

He still regrets all that he's- all that _the clone_ has done, but he's too selfish to convince himself to spend the night by himself. No matter how much he recalls from before. 

Shiro's memories of the fight have resurfaced slowly over their journey in the form of broken fragments. He doesn't remember leaving the castle, or escaping with Lotor, or what had happened between him and the rest of the team.

All he knows with absolute certainty is how easily Keith bruises. He knows the smell of his burnt flesh. Knows how fragile his skin is under the unyielding metal of Galra tech. 

The memories burn and sear until he can't keep them bottled up anymore. He has to tell Keith.

The two of them are sitting out by the shade cast by the Black Lion's feet when Shiro finally finds the courage to begin, "When I was there... in the arena..."

Keith silently looks at him from the corner of his eye as he continues to sharpen a makeshift skewer with his knife while Shiro gathers his thoughts. 

"When I was there... in the arena, I- I hurt so many people. And-and when you saved me I made a promise that... that I would never hurt you, but the- Keith, I swear, I never meant to hurt you," his voice cracks as his hand hovers over the blistered burn. 

Keith reaches up and wraps a hand over Shiro's wrist. "That wasn't you, Takashi."

"It was. It was a- a version of me. He loved you just like I did... I _keep_ hurting you, Keith. You're the last person who deserves this. Maybe we should-" he can't continue the thought. It hurts but he can't keep holding Keith back. 

"I'm not- I'm not leaving you because of this," Keith said bluntly. "We've already been through so much and I know what you're thinking, but I'm not leaving you."

"Keith-" 

"I'm _not_. That's all there is to it. There's no one to blame but Haggar so you can stop blaming yourself. Shiro, honestly speaking, I don't-" he pauses, eyebrows furrowed. 

He takes a deep breath, holds it in, then exhales. 

"I don't like it when you talk about yourself like this," he finally confesses. "It wasn't your fault, and I don't blame you so you shouldn't either." 

Shiro falls quiet for a few minutes, and Keith doesn't offer anything to break the silence. 

Finally, Keith presses a kiss to Shiro's palm before getting up and brushing the dirt away from his pants. "Now, lets go help with dinner, alright?" He asks as he gathers the twigs they had sharpened to cook the meat with. 

Grabbing the hand that Keith held out to him, Shiro pulls himself to his feet. The moon of the planet they are staying on is luminous, burning bright against the dark backdrop of the sky. The light casts a stark contrast against Keith's features, and before he knows what he's doing, Shiro blurts, "I love you, too."

Keith turns to look at him, surprised, before smiling at him gently. "I know," he says, and reaches out to grab Shiro's hand.

Together, they walk towards the rest of their team, where Lance tells them about the creature they saw in the forest, and Hunk hands them vegetables to dice, and Pidge gets a fire going. 

Allura, Coran, and Romelle seem to be exchanging stories of Altea and the colonies, and there are definitely a few teary eyes.

Krolia is sitting off to the side, skinning a small rabbit like animal for dinner. She looks up, and smiles when she sees them.

There's a warm feeling in his chest when Keith squeezes his hand, and for the first time in days, Shiro doesn't feel burdened at all.

 

 

...

 

 

They continue their journey to Earth, only stopping to rest at friendly planets for the night. 

One of the planets they stay at is occupied by a species that had joined the coalition, and the paladins are welcomed hospitably and with open arms.

Each of them are given a large room to stay in, for as long as they need. They only plan to stay the night to rest up, but the offer is appreciated nonetheless. 

After the large feast hosted in their honor, they all retire to their respective rooms. Keith and Shiro shed their armor, changing into the loose garments the planets inhabitants had gifted them, and fall into bed.

They're both exhausted and fall asleep within minutes.

Shiro is awaken a few hours later when he hears the bed creak.

He opens his eyes and sees Keith, sweat soaked and breathing hard, sitting up in the bed with the covers pooling around his waist. He pushes himself to sit up but Keith flinches violently at the movement.

"Please, don't- don't come closer," Keith pleads, his eyes panicked, and pushes himself away from him. 

"Keith," Shiro says, his eyes wide in shock and voice lined with heartbreak.

Keith is breathing hard, his feet over the edge of the bed, and he's hunched over with his hand buried in his hair.

Scooting closer to the headboard of the bed to prop himself up, Shiro reaches out with a comforting hand but Keith flinches, and pulls away abruptly, shaking.

"Please, I just- I'm sorry, I just need a minute," he rasps, his voice hoarse.

An expression of hurt on his face, Shiro sits back numbly.

It hurts to see Keith like this, but he understands. He knows Keith's not afraid of _him_ , but after what they've been through, it's impossible to escape unscathed.

Some of those wounds are just not physical.

Shiro understands, he does, but it's still hurts to see Keith so panicked and _lost_ because of something a version of _him_ did. 

He doesn't blame himself anymore, knows better after all that Keith had told him, but it still hurts. 

A few minutes pass, and Keith is still breathing hard, tugging at his hair in a way that betrays how panicked he truly is. Still, he manages to say, "I'm sorry, Takashi, it's not you. I just need some space, I just need... it's not you-" his voice cracks.

Shiro watches from afar as Keith breaks down in sobs, hunching down further over his knees. He knows that right now, Keith needs space but he itches to sit closer, to put an arm around, to- 

Shiro waits a minute, until it becomes unbearable just watching Keith break down without doing anything.

"Can I-" Shiro clears his throat, "Can I come closer?"

There's a pause and then subtle nod, but it's all that Shiro needs. He scoots over cautiously, and hesitantly reaches out a hand. It rests on Keith's knee, but the other doesn't seem to mind.

Keith turns his head, his face down and bangs obscuring his expression and buries it in Shiro bare shoulder. 

"Hey, it's okay. It's okay, I'm here. Just try to take deep breaths."

They sit in relative silence as Shiro runs his arm against Keith's back, and the younger man tries to catch his breath. 

Finally, Keith calms enough to say, "I'm sorry but it's just- sometimes when I close my eyes I just see- snippets, I guess. We're back there again and-" He chokes up, unable to continue as his throat closes up. 

Shiro rubs a gentle hand over his arm, close but not too imposing. "Do you want to talk me through what you see?" He asks gently. 

There's tears in his eyes again when Keith gasps, "I knew it would happen."

He's crying again.

"I saw you- you died. I saw so many version where I- I wasn't fast enough, where you died. You're there but I'm never fast enough to save you. I keep _losing_ you-" he chokes up again, leaning against Shiro bonelessly when he brushes the back of his hand against Keith's cheek.

"I'm right here," he whispers through his broken heart, "You saved me, I'm right here," but Keith is still sobbing. 

"I saw you die for two _years_ ," Keith gasps. "Every time I closed my eyes, I'd try to save you and I- I try so many different ways but you always-"

Shiro pulls him close, until Keith's ear is right over his beating heart and whispers, "I'm right here, you saved me." He runs a hand through Keith's hair, calming him through the gentle carding motions. They both need the touch, the reassurance that the other is okay. "I'm right here, we're okay, we're both okay."

Keith nods weakly against his collarbone, the hand on his shirt tightening. He melts into Shiro's hold, his breathing less frantic as the older man presses a kiss against his hair. "We're okay," Keith repeats in a low whisper, and Shiro nods. 

"We are," he affirms. They sit for a moment, silent. He feels Keith's lips pull against the skin of his neck when he smiles slightly and says, "Takashi-"

Shiro places a gentle hand on the back of his head, the soft strands of his hair sifting through his fingers, and pulls him close. 

His presses a soft, chaste kiss to Keith's lips, and then another, and then one more. He can't seem to stop, but there's nothing rushed or frenzied about it. It's just the two of them, in a darkened room, together. 

Keith pushes himself up until he can press his cheek against Shiro's. "I love you," he whispers into his ear, desperately, as he turns his head slightly and brushes his lips against the scar on the bridge of Shiro's nose. 

Smiling, Shiro grabs the hand at his cheek and overturns Keith's hand until his palm is exposed. He kisses Keith on the underside of his wrist where his pulse beats strong. "I love you, too. You're- Keith... you're _everything_ to me."

He means it more than anything he's ever said, and the- the clone's conscious echoes the thought, too. He feels light after he says it, like a burden has been lifted off his shoulder. 

The dark cloud that has been at the back of his mind doesn't seem so overwhelming now, he thinks as he pulls Keith into his arms and lays them back against the sheets, their limbs entangled and hearts beating as one. 

They're a long way from Earth, and it might as well take them decapheebs to get back home. But, Shiro thinks, it doesn't really matter.

He has Keith, in his arms and alive. He has the team, Allura and Coran, and now Krolia and Romelle. They have Voltron, and the rebels, and the coalition on their side. 

They're not alone anymore. 

The paladins who will come home won't be the same that have left. They've all changed. Shiro's new hair color, his scars, and his lack of arm can all attest to that. _He's_ changed. 

But sometimes, when Keith tucks himself at his side, it doesn't feel like his arm is missing at all, or that his body is marred with scars. Keith is there, and their rough edges meet up and make a whole. 

They may be a long way from his old home, but now, he's found a new one amongst the stars. He lost a lot out here to the Galra but if anything, it's gained him a new family.

He knows that when he's with them, when he's with _Keith_ , nothing could ever tear apart what they have. It's enough to keep himself strong, keep himself together. They're not even close to healed but they'll get there. 

He was their shield and they were his. They watched each other's backs, which is how he knows with certainty that they'll get there, eventually, no matter how long it takes.


End file.
